Melancholy Uncalled For

black, yet a blinding light
and i try with all my might
to hush the solitude inside.

apparent, as though seeming
it is in actuality i must admit
this is real. this is real.

glum shadows cover
the brightness that never was
dismal clouds shatter
the entirety of the past.

i am but one, never with another.
i am but forlorn, but forsaken.

i am with them, yet i still am without.
i can never be. i can never be.

deny me company.

just me.

Not-So-Ordinary Night

it's a natural high
can't help but smile
with just a mere hello
all my senses seem to go

i'm crazy, maybe
to fall in and out of love
but it just seems fitting
to be weirded out by this feeling..

of love, if that's what it is
or well, might be something in between
all i know is that i'm giddy and funny and light
in this not-so-ordinary night

and what could a dose
of caffeine possibly lack
or cover up the rush of
something i've been holding up

it's an endless series of hello's and goodbye's
of wishful thinkings, daydreaming and deep sighs
makes no sense to go back but then again
i have the urge to have this feeling..

of love, if that's what it is
or well, might be something in between
all i know is that i'm giddy and funny and light
in this not-so-ordinary night

tried to fight it
tried to hide it
but here i am still
tried to leave you
tried to forget you
but then, there's a feeling..

of love, if that's what it is
or well, might be something in between
all i know is that i'm giddy and funny and light
in this not-so-ordinary night

i'm giddy and funny and light
i'm floating and smiling and in flight
i hope i dream about you
in this not-so-ordinary night

We all choose our own happiness..

We can be sad and miserable,
Or choose to accept and be contented.

We can be distracted and crazy,
Or learn to face reality with an open mind.

We can make the wrong choices and decisions,
Or make the right ones if we want to.

We can keep on complaining about what we don't have,
Or be grateful of the things we already have within our reach.

We can refuse to believe what is real,
Or be brave enough to realize that what we have in front of us is all we have.

We can dwell on the past and wallow,
Or live by the moment and look forward to tomorrow.

Because all the while, just when we thought our entire world is crumbling down.. it's not.
And when everything else seems to not go your way, it goes your way.. eventually.

It's US who decide whether we have a good day or bad day.
It's also US who decide if we're in love and broken-hearted.

And though we always think that nothing is fair in our lives, we may have overlooked on the things that truly give us contentment.

So this must be true.. even if life sucks, I still AM happy.
Because I know and I'm sure that sometime, life will bring me something better.

Don't Fall

don't fall..
cos i'm holding on too much

don't fall..
i'm afraid to be in love

don't fall..
cos i know there's nothing more

don't fall..
i'm closing on my doors

but the way i see you
and the way i look at you
how i feel when you are beside me
near me. with me.

it feels like you've captured my sensibility
and you've taken my own sanity
you are the sky far beyond my reach
you are the impossibility of every possible dream
you are the unthinkable in my realm of make-believe

cos you won't love me
though it seems i'm not aware
and even with this, i still live with the thought
that maybe somewhere, somehow
you will still..

don't fall.
again, don't fall.

#08

loving you leaves me without breath
it leaves me without thoughtand even if i try to stop the tears
they still fall.

falling for the one person i can't have
i know, i have to make myself believe
that there's no feeling that here exists

and loneliness cannot even keep me company
somehow, it cannot keep me saneand if i strive to smile, it may take forever
for in my heart there is nothing more left

i made myself believe
of the lies i try to create
that even if there is something that i feel,
it is but an illusion that cannot come to life

and though you are neari cannot touch you
and though i am with you
you were never with me
that even if you sit beside me
you will always be there and i will always be here

now, as if tears can't help but flow down my cheeks
and as if my emotions constantly keep my mind so blank
i refused to shy away from this feeling
but now i have to make a choice

my heart and mind cannot decide
and so i won't push it anymore
should i long or not. never.

Why Didn't You Say Sorry?

we were together
i thought it'd be forever
you said you'll never leave me
but from what it seems,
you did..

believed you'll love me always
believed you'll stay by my side
but when it was your turn to prove it,
you turned your back on me

i said it was fine to see you go
even if inside, it was me who was dying..

and so you left..
without even saying why..
you didn't even cry..
and maybe you have faked it.the reason, the season.
but there's only one question i wanted to ask,
why didn't you say sorry?

i'm moving on with my life
and i see that you have
can't say you're way ahead of me
but from what it seems,
it was me who's hurting a lot

for the way you left me..for the lies you continually deny
and so even if i don't care for you anymore
i still honestly feel alone

i said it was fine to see you go
even if inside, it was me who was dying..

and so you left..
without even saying why..
you didn't even cry..
and maybe you have faked it.
the reason, the season.
but there's only one question i wanted to ask,
why didn't you say sorry?

and now even if we have separate lives
i'm left with wonder
how could you have hurt me this much?
how could you have hated me this bad?
betrayed me.. fooled me.. taken me for granted
don't deserve this pain
don't deserve this heartache
this bitterness and misery
but you're there..
still not saying what you should've long before.

and so you left..
without even saying why..
you didn't even cry..
and maybe you have faked it.
the reason, the season.
but there's only one question i wanted to ask,
why didn't you say sorry?

there's only one question i wanted to ask,
why didn't you say sorry.. why didn't you say sorry, my love..

Still

i look around, and i see your face among the crowd
and then you smiled and gave me this same strange feeling
i've once, twice, thrice, or many times felt...
it's only now that i've realized how much you've given too much for my love
and how much i've taken for granted all the things you've given up
and now i pray that there will a come a day that your love will glance back
and be willing to give it one last try...

maybe when and if that day comes, i'll gladly accept
everything that I've once regretted
maybe then, with open arms, i'll welcome you
and give you another chance to prove your love

but then, looking back, you have somebody new
i can't blame you for leaving me hanging in the air...
'cos maybe, i don't deserve to be loved by somebody like you
it's just that i feel bad 'cos I wasn't able to tell you what i could've told you before
i could've at least informed you that once in my life,
i had a feeling that was deeper than what you thought
you could've at least known that somewhere along that path,
there was a feeling that was more than that of friendship.

and now, it's too late for me to let you know
but you know, deep down inside, i'm still hoping that you'd come back one day
and profess to me the undying love you've once offered me to accept
though as for now, all that I can wish for is the friendship that we have
'cos i know that deep in your heart, i can never have a place except for that of friendship

still, i want to let you know
that then and now, i am still in love with you...