#07

smile, and nothing
with reply unexpected
blank, faint
i know now
clearly, what to see
and to feel
and to believe
i realize what i don’t want
never want, ever.
believing with what is
in reality untrue, unfeeling
cause me sadness
empty, unsure
so i must leave
even if for the space
non-existential

i feel nothing…

#06

see teardrops
and they fall
light – shining, it gleams
sounding horror
stop. please stop.
and you slay
in all… raze still
do shut. leave my misery
… rain

#05

and it seemed like eternity
that should hold me forever

i choose not
to be prisoner
to be held captive
of the dreams that often lie
though it’s only now that I realized
confinements of reality that are not

i cry
i falter
but yet again I shall rise

this life, this living vision
has betrayed me
to my heart, to passion
but I can see clearly now
what seemed to be so
vaguely, indistinctably depicted

it is to myself
that I misled belief
traitor.
but to me still?
and life has been so.. so..
pitiless, spiteful
to hope I was given up
or is it despair?
hopelessness?

and so from here I end
of what seemed to be
existence unlivable

i shall begin to live.
i shall begin to breathe.
i shall begin to feel.
and mercilessness not to my own being
yet to myself in the past.

dreams gone
and failures non-existent
realities arise.

i am.

#04

i love.
and now i loved
maybe still loving.
and it erases everything
from the memories.
of before.
of now.
of tomorrow.

my life.
and chaos. of oblivion
and you’re gone
i pick up what else is left
…if there is any
maybe none—but only before.
before.

and i awoke
and i opened
what i should have long before.
a hard slap
and it’s all that i deserve.
standing.
look at me
and i move on
i walk away
i leave. with nothing.

surely i hope
when i surrender.
to dream.

i no longer love.

ice017/020402-0046

#03

and i see the signs
but not too clear
i look around
and yet nothing.
i see in my midst
must i realize?
that which must be
and i feel it must be gone
must not believe.
stupendous in its sense
magical, fate
destiny. cannot anymore
what i used to believe
what i now believe

and nonsense makes sense
when love cannot.

i close my eyes.

#02

within thy confinement
i struggle
that of a look
in dreams i only see
unfabled, yet i cannot touch.
unreachable.

i strive
and i seek
what seems to be
what i cannot have
reality. acquiescence
in silence found
cannot endure.
not just now.
maybe never.

and now i start
to ask.
why can’t you see
can’t feel.
can’t comprehend.
insensate.
when i try even
of the least that i have
incomprehensible.
unfathomable.

and i try to reach
i cannot.
when i hold,
seems unfeeling.
glance upon.
unbelieving.
or denial?
or just maybe nothing.

and i love – if it is.
unreturned, maybe not noticed
maybe deliberately.
maybe not meant to be.

and i look upon thyself
a shadow.
a specter.
a spirit long gone.
long helpless.
and must believe
that something i cannot have
must i not have.
long before the heartaches.

selfless.. must I still?
no more..

#01

i can’t breathe
air not in my midst
i ponder, i wonder
i see your countenance
unimaginable
the way you astound me
the mere thought
of you, your smile
levity – almost endless
discernment, of wit
propitious, heart
undeniably benevolent
everything, all.. almost.

no
don’t look
i fall even more
i cannot – i should not
for whatever reason
i cannot surmise
or might i know?
maybe. but still unknown
to my heart
my emotions. my sentiments.
inrecognizable
i cannot.

you are not the ideal
but you’re here
eventhough distance
seems to break me apart
apart from you – unknowingly
my love for you
..or is it??
indefinitely defined
drawn through the heavens
written in the seas
humorless. but i cannot touch
cannot feel.
even i cannot see.

why.
why must i suffer
consequences of what seems
to be not my sin
a mistake maybe
but is it of my wrongdoing?
when my only choice
is to feel and nothing more.

uncertainty
and of unsure circumstances
i realize what i should not.

and i falter..